"Mommy,
why do you walk with a cane?"
What
you say in response to your child's questions or what you choose
to tell them must be in line with their developmental stage in order
to get the right message across. Also, it's best to give some thought
to how you approach the subject. You will want to be up front and
comfortable with what you are saying as you won't want them to grow
up with a sense of shame about your disability.
Here
is a general guide to discussing disability with your children adapted
from How to Help Children Through a Parent's Serious Illness.
This publication can be obtained by contacting the publisher. The
reference for the book is: Kathleen McCue, M.A., C.C.L.S., How to
Help Children Through a Parent's Serious Illness, New York: St.
Martin's Press, 1994.
All
ages - tell them:
- Mom has a
disability
- The name
of the disability
- Your best
understanding of how your disability affects your abilities and
activities
Preschool
age - explain the disability on their level
- Use dolls
or puppets to help
- Don't go
past their attention span
- Don't go
beyond their ability to understand
School
age - tell them:
- Nothing they
did caused the disability
- They can't
catch the disability from you
- Who will
take care of their needs (if the disability is a progressive one)
Teen
age
- Give lots
of detailed information
- Answer every
question fully
- Make sure
there is someone outside the family with whom they can talk on
a regular basis
- Be prepared
for anything
According
to one mother, "When explaining disabilities to my children, I am
open and honest and tell them what the disability is and what caused
it. If I had told my children that I didn't carry the shopping,
hang out the laundry, pick up heavy items, vacuum, etc., because
I didn't want to, they would have grown up thinking that their mother
was lazy and wanted them to do all of the work. Because they know
the truth, they have an appreciation for my problem and do not feel
indifferent towards me for it. I explained to them that perhaps
their acceptance of disabilities may be a part of their career in
the future."
See
also ...
Parenting
with a disability
The
Journey
to Self-Acceptance
|
