The idea that persons with disabilities cannot have a significant social and intimate relationship with someone is still a very pervasive one in our society.  People with disabilities at any age are often portrayed as asexual and incapable of forming meaningful relationships with their peers and those of the opposite sex. This idea is, of course, not true. The need to be social, to be loved, and to show love to someone else does not diminish with disability.  Youth and young adults with disabilities face the same obstacles regarding sexuality and relationship building as those who are not disabled. It is important to realize, though, that having a disability may add more issues for both parents and teens/young adults to think about.

What is Sexuality?

Although most people associate physical sexual relationships with sexuality, it is actually a more complex aspect of our lives. Being accepted and liked, displaying and giving affection, and feeling that we are worthwhile are all necessary aspects of life and of our sexuality. In addition, our self-esteem, culture, social experiences, and morals all play a part in shaping us as sexual beings.

Sex Education

Sex education should involve the same kind of content for all children and it should be an ongoing occurrence throughout a child’s life. Since sexuality involves more than just reproduction, it is important that sex education be comprehensive. This means that:

• At an age appropriate level children and teens should be provided accurate information regarding reproduction, contraception, STDs, parenting, and other issues surrounding sexuality.
• Values and attitudes of the family, society, and culture towards sex should be explored. A young person should be given the opportunity to develop his or her own values towards sex and develop insights about relationships with both genders.
• Interpersonal skills should be allowed to grow and develop
• Young persons should be taught, at an age appropriate level, about sexual responsibility. This includes talking about issues such as resisting pressures to become sexually active at an early age, considering abstinence, proper use of contraception, and other issues.

• Preschool Years: Teach your child appropriate names for body parts. Include the sexual organs.
• Age 5-8: Teach your child about correct names and functions of body parts, difference between boys and girls, elementals of reproduction and pregnancy, qualities of a good relationship, decision making skills and consequences, beginnings of social responsibility, values and morals, avoiding and reporting sexual abuse.
• Age 8-11: Teach your child that sexuality is part of the total self, any more information on reproduction, importance of values in decision making, communication with family about sex, STDs, abstinence, and masturbation.
• Age 12-18: Teach your teen about health care and health promotion, communication, dating, and love, the importance of values guiding behavior, other ways to express sexuality, how alcohol and drugs can affect decisions, birth control and responsibilities of child-bearing.

Tailoring the pace and presentation of sexual information to each young person with a disability is very important. Parents and professionals should consider:

• How the young person’s disability may affect his or her social-sexual development.
• How the disability affects the young person’s ability to learn information about sex
• What extra information may need to be provided to address any specific characteristics of a particular disability.

Although it has already been mentioned, encouraging socialization is very important for young people with disabilities because many of them often find themselves isolated from peers. Socialization, of course, also plays a vital role in sexual development. So what can a parent do to promote socialization for their child? Here are a few suggestions:

• Help your child pursue hobbies or special interests
• Encourage your child to pursue recreation and leisure activities in the community
• Encourage your child to participate in extracurricular activities in school
• Help your teenager find employment or volunteer opportunities in the community
• Try not to overprotect your child

Here is a brief list of suggestions for young adults with disabilities when trying to foster relationships:

• Don’t ever believe that no one will love you because you have a disability
• Don’t build your life only in search of romance
• Be a friend to someone first
• Be patient in your search for connections with others
• Keep up on current events and happenings—this will make discussions and socialization a lot easier
• Be open with others about your disability, especially with someone who is not disabled
• Remember, regardless of your disability, lovemaking is possible

This material was adapted from: NICHCY News Digest, Sexuality Education for Children and Youth with Disabilities, Volume 1, Number 2, 1992.